Introduction

In January 2016, I walked away from an incredibly abusive relationship. That day marked the beginning of one of the most challenging chapters of my life. I had to learn how to cope, rebuild, and begin the healing process—all while navigating my early 20s and enduring constant attempts from my abuser to drag me back into a life I was desperate to leave behind.

Before I left, I found myself searching for anything that could help me understand what I was going through, how to leave, and what life might look like afterward. I needed something I could access privately, something I could hide and relate to—right at my fingertips. I know there are others, like me, who are searching for a glimmer of hope or simply trying to make sense of what’s happening to them, and what comes next after leaving an abusive situation.

The goal of this blog is to help, even if it reaches just one person. To show victims and survivors that they aren’t stuck in their situation, that leaving may be difficult, but it is possible—and life does get better. Most importantly, I want domestic violence survivors to understand that they are not alone, and that the shame often associated with being a victim or survivor of abuse is nothing more than a social construct designed to silence and stigmatize.

This blog isn’t just for victims and survivors, though. It’s also for those who don’t understand the complexities of domestic violence—why victims stay, why they return, and why it’s not as simple as just “leaving.” Too often, instead of questioning the abuser and holding them accountable for their actions, society tends to place the blame on the survivor, questioning why they stayed or went back. The narrative must be shifted. 

Raising awareness, educating victims, survivors, and those who are struggling to understand the cycle of abuse, is essential. Continuing to have difficult but necessary conversations about domestic violence is vital in breaking the silence and stigma that surround it.

As for the name of this blog, The Tethered Butterfly, it’s personal to me. The quote by Ponce Denis Écouchard Le Brun—“The butterfly is a flying flower, the flower a tethered butterfly”—resonated with me in a way that helped me understand my own experience. During my abusive relationship, I often felt stuck, like I was a flower rooted and couldn’t be moved. What I actually was, was a butterfly tethered to the ground, wanting nothing more than to escape. While I’m sure the quote means something different in its original context, this is how it spoke to me, and it’s how The Tethered Butterfly came to be.

Too many of us are flowers, forced to stay rooted to the ground. It’s time to spread our wings and fly.